


Like Normal People

by eve11



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-16
Updated: 2012-01-16
Packaged: 2017-10-29 15:56:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/321615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eve11/pseuds/eve11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is exhausting," River said, swiping a hand at her eyes. "My whole body is sore."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like Normal People

**Author's Note:**

> Misplaced comment fic from the kink meme: _I've always thought since both River and the Doctor are alien, they'd be rather different from humans in that regard ;)_ There are many regards, but for some reason this is the one that came to mind. Warning for kind of crack-fic plot.

\--

"This is exhausting," River said, swiping a hand at her eyes. "My whole body is sore."

"River, you can't stop now." The Doctor took her wrist and guided her hand back to his chest, across the smooth skin and the bulge lower down.

River groaned. "It's been twelve hours! I need a rest!"

The Doctor sighed. "You have to maintain contact until the weave sets."

"You know, this is nothing like what I imagined." She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to steel her mental resolve. "God, I can't see straight!"

"Well that's all right. You don't need to see, you just need to . . . nudge things--"

"You can't be more specific than 'nudge'?" River snapped, leaning up on her elbow and shifting position.

The Doctor tried to follow her and then winced. "Ow! Yes, nudge. You'll--you'll recognize it when you feel it. My physiology wasn't meant for this either, you know! Your primitive systems--"

She glared at him, her hand still splayed out across his stomach. "Choose your next words very carefully, husband."

He sniffed. "It's not my fault--" he started, and then stopped suddenly as something swept through their shared psychic space, thrumming, electric and so obviously brand new, it was like a thousand epiphanies and eurekas experienced all at once.

"What--?" River stammered, her fingers clutching at his skin. His grip tightened, and she could _feel_ him smiling. She could also feel something else, something so bright and small and searching so uniformly across the likelihoods it could sense . . .

The Doctor gave her a mental push, and she latched onto the new thread, directing it toward the strongest probabilities she could feel, the spark of life drawing tears from her eyes. She had never felt so . . . so connected to something, not even the TARDIS . . .

"It's not my fault," the Doctor was still saying, "that the only compatible interface for mobile looms is a temporally aware bio-data matrix with level five cognitive processes and an artron energy signature of--"

"Oh shut up." River set her head against his chest, listening to the double heartbeat and the strange shushing hum of the containment unit that was currently fused to his stomach, just under his ribcage. She--well, she _nudged_ \--and the Doctor was gently nudging too, and the tiny sparkline between them responded in kind, taking root in the matrix they were creating, thread by thread. "Anyway, it _is_ your fault for finding it and not remembering what it was until we'd both touched it and it initiated recombination. I thought--I thought it was killing you at first."

"Oh, there's far worse than that to come," the Doctor said. She could feel his mind cocooning them both, solid and ancient and strong. "I've been craving . . ." he paused and scrunched up his face as if the mere thought of the next word was too much to take. "Pears."

River raised an eyebrow at him and smiled, smoothing her hand across the strange new landscape of his skin. "Maybe he likes them."

"Hmpf. You," he pointed at her, rolling onto his back with an 'oof' as the mobile loom re-settled. "You had better not let me eat pears, wife! Pears are rubbish!"

"Oh, don't talk to me about 'rubbish', husband!" She rolled over too, breathless, totally spent. "Next time--"

" _Next_ time?" he countered, sounding at once mortified and thrilled.

"Next time," she said, "we are at least going to have mind-blowing sex first, before the procreating. Like normal people."


End file.
